Rishta Meeting Checklist: Questions Families Should Ask

By My Rishta Pakistan · Updated 2 November 2026

A first rishta meeting can feel awkward for everyone. Families do not want to ask too much, or too little. This checklist gives you a calm, respectful list of questions, grouped by topic, so you can have a useful conversation without turning the meeting into an interview. Use only the questions that fit your situation, and keep a friendly tone.

Before the meeting

• Agree who will attend. Usually parents or elders from both sides, and the two people concerned.
• Choose a comfortable place. A family home or a public, family-friendly place is best.
• Confirm basic facts in advance. Age, education, job, city and marital history should already be clear from the profile or from relatives, so the meeting can focus on understanding each other.
• Decide that no pressure will be placed on anyone. A meeting is not a promise.

Questions about the person

• What are your education and work, and what do you hope to be doing in the next five years?
• What does a normal day or week look like for you?
• What are your interests, and how do you like to spend free time?
• What matters most to you in a partner and in married life?
• How do you feel about continuing to work or study after marriage?
• Are there health matters that the other family should know about? This should be shared respectfully and only as much as is needed.

Questions about the family

• Who lives in the house, and how are decisions usually made?
• How often does the family meet relatives, and what do they expect from a new member of the family?
• What are the family’s views on gatherings, travel and everyday responsibilities?
• Are there elders who need care, and how is that shared?

Questions about the future

• Where would the couple live, and how far would that be from each family?
• If one person is abroad, what are the plans about moving, visas and visits?
• What are the expectations about children and the timeline for them?
• How would the couple manage money and household costs?

If one or both people were married before

Be honest and gentle. Ask about the circumstances only as far as the person is comfortable sharing, and respect privacy. If there are children, talk calmly about how they will be cared for and how the new family will work. Our second marriage guide covers this in more detail.

Questions for the couple to ask each other

Many families forget that the two people also need time to talk. Allow a short conversation, with others nearby, so they can ask about values, routines and expectations. A few honest sentences often tell more than a long list of questions.

What to avoid

• Do not ask about dowry demands or gifts as a condition. Do not accept unfair demands.
• Do not compare the person with others or comment on appearance in a hurtful way.
• Do not ask for personal documents, bank details or money at a first meeting.
• Do not insist on an answer on the same day.

After the meeting

1. Give both sides a few days to think and talk privately with family.
2. Ask trusted relatives to quietly verify job, education and reputation.
3. If you are interested, ask for another meeting. If not, say so politely and kindly.
4. Keep notes of the main points so that you do not forget what was said.

Frequently asked questions

How many meetings should we have before deciding?

There is no fixed number. Many families prefer two or three meetings, including one where the couple can speak briefly, before moving to engagement.

Is it fine to say no after one meeting?

Yes. Say it politely and without blame. A respectful refusal protects both families.

What if I am meeting someone from an online profile?

Meet with family, in a public place or a family home, and verify details through trusted people first. Read our safety tips / حفاظتی مشورے.

Keep conversations respectful, confirm details through trusted people, and never pay money to arrange an introduction. See also our guides on receiving and replying to marriage proposals and choosing between two good rishtas.